I’ve had a lot of time to evaluate things this week. My journaling habits are out of control. I started a new composition notebook (third this school year… sorry I’m not sorry) at the end of January and I am already a quarter of the way in. Last week gave me a lot of time to reflect, as my work-less weeks usually do. But, in a very weird obviously God given way, my school assignments made me reflect the most.
I had to go on a media fast for my Communications 211 class. I had heard of people doing this before, but I didn’t know when or how I would have to do it. We were given about three weeks to do the assignment, but in typical Randazzo fashion I forgot about it until three days before it was due. Technically, the media fast was supposed to follow a media feast, but I consider most days a media feast, so I didn’t set aside time to do that (aka I forgot). Back to the storyline, I had to give up pretty much all entertainment and social networking for 48 hours. This probably sounds like child’s play to some people, but to me, it was a daunting task I wanted to go by very quickly. I put up self control (an application that can block websites when you have no self control not to go on them) for the longest it could go, which was 24 hours at the time. I turned internet off on my phone. I put my ipod in my desk drawer and shut my computer completely down.
Disclaimer: we were supposed to not text, too, but I’m a rebel without a cause and didn’t give that up. However, I strayed away from texting people unless they texted me first or I wanted to meet them somewhere.
The night before, I got a tiny bit excited. This will give me more time to concentrate on reading, or writing letters, or meeting with different people face to face. However, when morning hit and the media had to cease, my world was very silent. And I, Katie Randazzo, hate silence (incase you didn’t know that). The only time I like silence is when I am reading or writing for school. And in that silence came loneliness, a longing to talk to my friends from home who are spread all over this map, and a desire to dance (daily desire lets be honest) to loud music in my room by myself. But, I couldn’t do that, I wasn’t going to break this, because I’ve never been challenged to follow the rules in such an annoying way.
Although my world was very quiet in those two days, I was so distracted. My mind was wondering what was going on in the cyber-world, who’s status I would be liking, what blog post I would be reading, how I was supposed to tweet that quick comment on what was going on around me. All such stupid and miniscule actions compared to the bigger story. But, its something that was there and that was taking me away from being fully where I was.
I became so distracted that it annoyed me, and I prayed for silence. Somewhat ironic that I was distracted since it was silence that was causing my mind to go all over the place, but I knew that’s what I needed.
Then, two hours before the final bell of the 48 hours that felt like 2 weeks, my mind and heart were silenced. Clearly, it was the Big Man upstairs showing me a heavy dose of undeserved grace. I had become distracted in such a materialistic and worldly way. It was just a little “heads up Katie, I’m bigger than that, and anything else, and I want you to know that always.” I was overwhelmed with joy and content-ness at the end of the 48 hours, humbled by a Father who yanks me back into his big loving hands even when I don’t realize I need to be yanked back.
That night was one of the funniest nights at school, as a small group of us (Willie Mears, here is your shout out) sat around in a garage, went to waffle house, and stayed out too late for the old lady in me to function. I don’t think I’ve laughed that hard in a long time, and even successfully got the whole table to participate in my favorite nighttime discussion: top 3 things (sharing the top three things of your day… I’m a nut for those highs and lows sorts of thing).
I was surrounded by people who loved me well because they were loved well first. My heart was amazed at how continually blessed my days are, and surprised at how much a stupid school assignment effected my story. I am literally swimming in a daily pool of grace, even when I don’t personally think I need to do water aerobics that day. Daily washed clean by a God who knows me better than I know myself, and knows what it takes to see him in my daily movements.
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