Ditching the "to-do's"

I feel like I’ve been waiting for a time to sit down and articulate the narrative voice inside my head all week. I probably would’ve had time to do so if I cut back on silly little things I fill my time up with, but I was just going with the flow. And the flow did not want me to sit down and “blog” this week. So, I did that thing again, where I escape and drive. And I’ve found myself in a little Starbucks off the side of the road with a quiet back room that used to be a safe. A safe for a bank that is now a safe place for me to be alone and scribe.

I read in my devotional on Tuesday that if we forget about our tight knit schedules and perfectly aligned days, we can leave gaps for God to enter into our time in more unexpected ways than usual. Its funny to think that I don’t do this, because at this point, I really do nothing that takes up all of my time and energy. Im a college freshman, I’ve got more time than I can ever remember having. But, every day, I plan my day in my head and keep by it unless a mountain is put in my way. So, the super-planning-lets-use-time-logically-24/7 girl in me ditched her plans for two days straight, and my-oh-my was it magical.

As if it wasn’t awesome enough that I am in a place where I have the ability to drop my plans for the day and just go with the flow, the weather in these two days were like magic-shell on top of the ice cream. Perfect.

I woke up with a feeling that is so divine that I couldn’t think hard enough to reiterate it. I was overwhelmed with the truth that this is the day the Lord has made. And I will enjoy it. Because it is His, and it will be good. Very good. I think I spent 80% of this day outside with people. Sitting around or playing stupid games like “nubs”, not caring about any work or obligations, just being with each other like we were made to be. I’de go to class, and then come back outside, to most of the same people mixed with some new faces. We couldn’t not be with each other. The presence of each other and warm air blanketing us was the biggest present I could’ve been given on that day. Sweet, sweet, fellowship and community with these characters in my story is the only thing I would’ve wanted on a day where I decided to ditch my plan.

I couldn’t help but be giddy during these two days. And no, it wasn’t because I got to see one of my top 5 favorite artists, Jimmy Needham, for 5 dollars, in the comfort of my very own school. (Although, I felt a bit like I had Beiber fever during the concert. Or should I say Needham fever.) I was giddy because I was abiding by His plan for my day, not my own silly “I have to be productive” plan. He wants me to be productive, yes, but He also wants to love me by treating me to days like these, where I don’t have to do things I don’t want to, and where I can tangibly see the way He wants me to see things. He wants to hand me days wrapped up in sparkly wrapping paper, topped off with pretty bows, filled with moments that I will desire during the sticky times, and hours that I will want to go by like days.

This realization of mine in these two days are sitting with me in a new way. I have trusted that His plan is the greatest plan on this earth for me, but before, I didn’t realize that I could not be getting the most out of That plan by confining myself to plans of my own. By ditching my school-related to-do list and just being where I am when I am there I was able to let my Big Loving Father write my blessed to-do list. And He, oh He’s a good writer. He’s my writer, and I’ll gladly hand over my lists to Him any day. And it will be good. 

I am where I am

Wahh, I’ve been a bad blogger. Remember how I said I start things and rarely finish them? Exactly what my ‘tude has been about blogging these past few weeks. I’ve got ideas, words, mojo, time, everything that is needed to sit down and produce a aimless cyber story for a few people to read. But, alas, I strayed from completing anything worthwhile, which explains my blogspot hiatus.

Excuses beside, I have had a fantastic past three weeks. Its pretty much been a random roller coaster of days that have combined together to blur into a beautiful “your life is sweet” tune. This is just such an exciting time for me. I mean, I thought senior year was exciting to get to be a big shot and decide what I was going to do with my life. But no, the exciting part is actually being in the rest of my life and realizing that I am made to be right where I am and that the plan always turns out to be so sweet.

Three weekends ago, the little dysfunctional but so loving family of Pennisula YoungLife leaders all traveled up to Richmond for the annual Committee Leader Weekend. From past weekends at the NOVA Committee Leader Weekends, I knew this weekend was guaranteed to be nothing but great, especially with the people beside me this time. Believe it or not, it exceeded my expectations and left my heart bubbling with excitement like a kid at 6am on Christmas morning. Throughout the weekend I was overwhelmed with how blessed I am to be called to be a part of such a cool and meaningful mission. I was blessed when thinking about where I come from, and felt privileged that I have the opportunity to go where I will go. CLW2k11 reaffirmed my calling to be a part of this ministry, and helped me re-lace my big girl shoes and get ready to step out into a new high school.

Appropriately, we got our shadowing placements that Sunday night. A phone call from a very excited shadowee (did I just make that up?) made me feel like I was being “bidded” on for a sorority I have been rushing for oh so long. Despite the fact that I do not know if I will end up at this school or not, I was still super pumped to get to see how they do it. And that first phone call, that was only the beginning to what felt like an always-fun-but-still-crazy pledge week. Early mornings and late nights (due to stupid stinkin’ midterms!) plus the factor that I was blessed with a vicious cold made me walk around campus like a zombie for five days. And I loved it. Waking up at 4:45 on a Wednesday morning for campaigners does not make the typical college student as giddy as it makes me, I am pretty much sure of this. But for me, this was the beginning of the rest of my life *cue cheesy graduation soundtrack* and I was darn-tootin’ excited that it had finally arrived.

After a week of crazy amounts of YoungLife, I ventured back to good old home to be with ma, pa, and my special-needs cat daisy. I couldn’t have been at a happier place for spring break. I stripped all social inhibitions and switched off between vegetating on the couch, making arts and crafts, and being accompanied by a mom who acts like I have just come home from ‘nam every time I enter the house. I chuckled to my home-body self as I had no desire to go somewhere tropical or fun, but had the best time just being by myself or with my parents in a house that has cradled me for 15 years. In that week was a quick trip to Philadelphia, to see some great old friends and be a real life city-slicker for a good two days, a visit from a nomadic Indiana-an girl whose friendship I adore, and a homecoming of many familiar faces before I departed back to bad news. I couldn’t have asked for a better break. Going home always overwhelms me with joy because where I come from, boy, it is great. And I wouldn’t change one thing about it.

So, onto the next week of shadowing at Grafton, capped off by what could be the craziest weekend of the semester, with about 10 non-captain friends visiting. I sure am glad to be back at this fine institution. My drive back was the first drive where I felt ready to be back, where I was excited to make the three hour drive, and where I couldn’t stand to be away from this place any longer. I’m astonished that the year is almost over and that I will never in my life be a pip-squeak freshman again after this year, but I am insanely thankful and blessed to be right where I am, and to be shaped by my God through this place in such surprising and mysterious ways.

I promise I will be better about posting on this, I am going to start to work on my whole I cant finish anything syndrome. For good.